Ozzy Man Reviews: Cricket Ball Tampering

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Okay who’s talking poorly of the Australian cricket team. Who is calling us cheats? What is this fucking bullshit? As far as I can see Bancroft is fixing up his pants This is a classic boxer shorts issue He’s trying to get some fresh air to the meat and potatoes And everyone’s watching him on the big screen making accusations This is a breach of privacy Crikey. He’s going in deep yeah, nah. That’s okay. It’s okay Fuck They’ve got a super slow-mo camera Okay, there is something in his hand I won’t deny it. I can see it. It’s a yellow post-it note Fuck That’s all it is He’s met a Sheila last night, and he doesn’t want to lose her number So he’s moving it from his pocket to his undies We’ve all done this every guy has done this before This is just something we do Ye nah ye ye nah And here he’s just rubbing her number on the ball for good luck Every guy rubs valued possessions onto their balls Especially when it’s connected to someone you like There’s Shane Warne He’s like I never tampered with my balls out on the field Whatever Warnie Michael Clarke is disgusted Shit, even our Prime Minister is calling our cricket team cheats. Fuck’s sake Malcolm. Fuck’s sake Ah whatever Only thing he’s good for is getting yelled at by Donald Trump Anyway, yeah look he’s cooperating He’s emptied his pockets for the umpires And the only thing in there is his sunglasses cloth to clean the sunglasses he’s not wearing Nothing suspicious all good And I mean so what if he had a press conference Admitting that he tried to change the texture of the ball with a piece of sticky tape? So what? I don’t believe him He’s only trying to protect that Sheila’s digits And yes, so what if the Australian captain Steve Smith admitted To knowing about the cheating as well He’s just being a good wingman. Okay fine fuck we cheated The Australian cricket team tried to cheat, and it’s a shit day to be Australian Fuck fine Fuck me dead none of us are proud of this. This is Smith saying to Bancroft, yeah, we’re fucked We’re totally fucked We have a lot of cameras Oh dear We’re going to end up being like the Russian Olympic team They have to use that generic Olympic flag when they compete As punishment because they’ve done too much cheating That’s what our Australian athletes could do to us Sad day Sad fucking day to be Australian This game has super slow-mo cameras, snickometers, hot spot technology, LED stumps and bails But no, our player’s thought,”No worries. We can get away with this shit.”

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