If Professional Football Were Honest – Honest Ads (NFL, Cheerleaders, Concussions)

If Professional Football Were Honest – Honest Ads (NFL, Cheerleaders, Concussions)

(beeping) – Hi, I’m Roger, and I’m here to tell you about the National Pointsball League. It’s a company I made that
stages live boy games. It’s also a giant public slaughterhouse fueled by human lives. Pointsball is the world’s
favorite sport in just America. It’s played by people of
all ages and one gender. And when pointsball was invented
over a hundred years ago it was almost outlawed for
killing too many of its players. – I thought it was too dangerous
and I’m Teddy Roosevelt. (gun blasting) – But we overcame that death issue by changing pointsball so that it kills lots more players more slowly. Now they die of brain trauma and overworked hearts off camera. That revolutionary change let us build the National Pointsball League, the most powerful entertainment
brand in human history. We control most Sundays,
lots of other days, and almost every conversation
in an American workplace. All we ask in return is
a little of your money to buy tickets or shirts or whatever, and then we seize literally
billions of dollars of your tax money to build stadiums. Stadiums I could pay for
myself but I would rather not. – I would do something about
that system but I’m dead. – Ah, you sure are! Anyway, my pointsball league
is a business in a sense that all criminal
enterprises are businesses, and unlike most criminal enterprises where they have to be subtle about it, my league does it’s criming
on national television. Just because you’ll do
anything to see this. (ball smacking) (laughs) Yup. Because we provide that we
can make American colleges train our future players on their dime. We can run a breast cancer
charity that’s really a trick to sell hats to ladies. We can make one of our teams
name straight up hate speech. – Go (bleep)! – And you would not believe
how little we pay her or how cool we are with
fellas sexually harassing her. – Give me an H! Give me an E! Give me an L! Give me a P! – Anyway, I don’t wanna take
up too much more of your time, because I don’t need to. You already give me more money
than God via the government so you can watch adult
men break each other. Adult men who have moms and stuff. But don’t think about that too hard. Instead think about how
goddamn great it’s gonna be when my league’s franchise
that’s geographically nearest to you goes out there and wins specific key pointsball boy games in a fashion that I’ve
decided makes them champion, whatever that means, for America! (sighs) Hey! There was supposed to be a
military jet flyover right then. The flyover we made the military pay us extra tax dollars for. Is that still happening? Is that? (engine roaring) War. I’m Roger, by the way. – Man-made iron birds? Bully! (acoustic guitar music) – Thanks for watching. If you’d to subscribe to our channel hit the big C in the middle. Feel free to click the links to the right if you want to watch
another Cracked video, and don’t forget to hit
that notification bell at the bottom to be notified when we put out another great Cracked video! – And you can follow me
on Twitter @kaleethan. – And me @amyehustler. – And I’m Brian. (laughing)

100 thoughts on “If Professional Football Were Honest – Honest Ads (NFL, Cheerleaders, Concussions)

  1. the underlying reason i never got into sports because i knew what it was and serve no real purpose in helping me know and connect with my higher self. points game are pointless

  2. He never mentioned how the players sit for the national anthem or how ticket sales in the NFL are dropping because of stuff like that.

  3. The “liquid Candy” vid was more realistic than this one. There’s much more depth in football than in sugar water. In football, all sides must benefit in some way. With sugar water, one side gets great benefits while the other gets little or no benefit. Conclusion? Keep football and get rid of sugar water!!!!!

  4. “Most of my state’s team probably isn’t even from my state, bUt ThAt’S oKaY!! They’ll have serious injuries just for me!!”

  5. i know that gun was prob a prop and in no way could be loaded and fired but it bothered me at 0:56. barrel aimed right at your friend and finger on the trigger.

  6. Pointsball is the world's favorite sport…in just America LOL…so true. 2 out 195 countries play it and they call it a "World Championship LOL!!!!!

  7. I dont know how women still support football after ray rice and many other wife beatings. The league didnt do anything until the video released!!

  8. I watched some American Football when I was last over in America. Advert breaks every 2 or 3 minutes. How do you American sports fans put up with that? Can you imagine what the outcry would be among football(that is Soccer to you dumb Americans) fans if there was a quick ad break every 5 minutes during the world cup finals games? Mind you most of the time you wouldn't miss anything, all that would have happened was Passy, Passy or someone is injured.

  9. @00:31
    He thought it was too dangerous? Says the guy who’s pointing a rifle at the man.

    Muzzle direction please?!
    Sheesh, treat the rifle as if it is loaded

    Edit: @2:36
    That is so very much better, with the muzzle control.

  10. He forgot to mention how NFL Security uses it's ex cop, ex FBI and ex law enforcement officials to use their pull and friends in the law enforcement community to keep crimes hidden, covered up and out of the media to keep their image clean. True story.

  11. The funniest part to me of this video is the introduction,
    "Hi, I'm Roger" That is a obvious shot at NFL Commissioner and front man, Roger Goodell.

  12. Was really enjoying these videos until he said the Lord's name in vain had to unsubscribe and give it a thumbs down.

  13. One hour a week of Cracked in schools would save thousand and thousands of suicides. Understanding that one is not insane to think/suspect these truths about things that are supposed to be right/patriotic/wholesome etc would save years of addictions as well.

  14. Damn… and here I thought pro cheerleaders were adults with the ability to make their own decisions. I never knew they were forced to do such degrading work in the NFL.

  15. Cracked + one & all.

    Why does the Government allow casinos to have a whole army of armed security guards to hold a gun at players heads & force people to play their games ? Most would think that this should be illegal & freedom of choice should be the norm ?

    All non-dealer games are legally rigged. Yet so many players put their hard earned into them ? Live dealer ONLY gives the player some chance of a win but the odds still favor the casino. If no players than no casino. Casino's get canned by many but the attitude of players is forgotten about by a lot of people ?

  16. Women play football, just not in the NFL. I also hate publicly-funded stadiums (ballpork). It would only cost each franchise a measly (for them) $31,250,000 to fund a billion dollar stadium every year! As for the players, it's a free country. If they want to risk their health for piles of money, that's their choice

  17. When sports and food become the only thing an empire touts at being the best at, that empire will collapse. Just read Edward Gibbons "The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire." The parallels between Rome and America are too numerous to ignore. I am grateful to spend my Sundays fixing cars for those who are economically challenged rather than watching useless rubbish sports on the idiot box. Actually I have not owned a television in over three years. The freedom I have had since then is brilliant. I now have more time to go and care for and assist those in my community. Instead of sitting around and getting all emotional over situations and circumstances that I have no control over watching useless sports and news indoctrination.

  18. Just another stupid distraction from the real reality . many of us living a false reality. Any of u ever watch the matrix that move is actually how society is today.

  19. Forgot to mention how the billionaire owners will up & leave if the citizens' local & state elected governments don't give in to their "new stadium blackmail" whenever they whip out that beaten old horse.

  20. People who worship sports are brainwashed and dumb. The marketing teams know how to manipulate you into being more focused on sports than your actually life let alone today's sports is just to distract Americans on what politicians are doing in the background to screw us over.

    Why do you need to know about every single players personally life? I never understood how the media says "sports players are idles and role models" when 70% of them are felons, all the are doing is throw a ball on some grass, or throwing a ball into a metal ring.

    Yea it takes skill but there is no real accomplishment except getting money? That's it? You can get an M.B.A in Business and make 10 times more than they'll ever make.

  21. He needs stop being so vulgar the cynicism is kind of funny but this funny old man is always interjecting offensive or crude comments there’s a time and a place for crude language like gta or adult comedy it just doesn’t belong on a seemingly clean thing that a family would watch together for fun like the cellphone commercial. Ok I’m sounding childish to rant like this but it seriously triggered me cause it’s just so out of place.

  22. Yet no one mentions it isn't played with your feet so the name 'football' doesn't make sense in the first place? Yet call actual football 'soccer'?

  23. Too be fair football in America is a religion and celebrated like Christmas, that's just an American thing what's the big deal

  24. Football is for deeply closeted gay men who can pat each other on the buttock and then shower together later in without people assuming they're gay.

    But I'm onto it.
    Stop touching each other's bums unless you're a couple. Non of my friends touch my bum.

  25. It was called a football but rarely used their feet. But the real football that uses feet is called soccer instead. How ironic. Suggestion…can u guys do telecommunication company next. How they promise the connection will be good but its not.

  26. Sports Fans—god makers. The God Makers are greater than their Gods. Sports fans are engaging in nothing else but narcissism.

  27. Really? Bullfighting in Spain and Mexico. Martial Arts competitions (worldwide). That's off the top of my head.

  28. This spoke nothing of the years of indentured slavery endured by mostly poor youths in universities, universities who get very wealthy off their playing said game while being banned from being paid or receiving endorsement deals while often receiving life altering injuries. Oh but they're 'students' who get 'degrees' even though many of them are functionally illiterate when they leave with that degree.

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