Hey guys, it’s Hasan Minhaj from Patriot Act. Hey guys, it’s Hasan Minhaj from Patriot Act. Here I am at The Princeton Review
on a Saturday morning much like so many nervous brown children. Now, for those of you guys who don’t know, Now, for those of you guys who don’t know, on the first episode of Patriot Act,
the Affirmative Action episode, I bared my soul in front of the entire world. I told everyone what my SAT score was which is really really really really really gutsy. I got a 1310 on the SAT. And that opened up the floodgates. People on the Internet started making fun of me. A girl in the front row started making fun of me. So here I am to redeem myself, today. I am going to take the SAT 16 years
later and prove myself. Hasan, here we are. Big day. Don’t disappoint us. Do well – OK? Here’s your lunch. I am very nervous for you. Why? Because I heard it’s a hard test.
I hope you do well. You think I won’t do well? I’m praying that you will do well. Alright, let’s do the test. I’m going to go through a couple
of housekeeping things but most importantly I’m going to go
through the structure of the exam. but most importantly I’m going to go
through the structure of the exam. We’re going to be spending a solid 3 hours together. We’re going to be spending a solid 3 hours together. Alright, here we go. Alright. Folks, the SAT is divided into four different
sections, they are up on the board. Number one is the reading section. It is the marathon section, 65 minutes. Then you’ll have a short ten minute break…
[VOICE TRAILS OFF] [VOICE ECHOES] “Don’t disappoint us…” “But don’t get nervous…” “Three hours of time…” “1310…” “Redemption…” “UC Santa Cruz…” [VOICES COLLIDE] You’re going to do brilliantly, I can feel it in the room. Why does this say the page is left blank? Folks there is no talking during the exam. It disturbs other people.
I’m not talking to them I’m asking you. I understand there’s no talking
to the instructor, the proctor, anybody else in the exam. Sorry, sir. Do we… Do we all have the same test? So this is just a safe question technically… Can I use the bathroom? I don’t know how to use this. If I don’t talk to them but if I go outside can I- Folks, I’m not answering any more questions. We’re keeping to our time.
We have exactly 35 minutes left. Ok this is the first break. Here’s the thing. I’m in over my head. I came in hot. I thought reading
comprehension was great. I knew what I was talking about. I know English. I can just read stuff. There is a thing about a lady named Ellington, I think. At one point I just did the Mortal Kombat blood code. I said A, B, A, C, A, B, B, A, B, A, C, A, B, B… And that has gotten me through
a lot of things in Sega Genesis so I assumed it would work on the SAT. Here’s the problem, I think Robert the proctor has it out for me.
I tried to ask legitimate questions,
every time he Dikembe Mutombo’d me.
The girl behind me is also a hater.
At this point I have no idea what to do because math with a calculator became
a guessing game at the end. One of my deepest insecurities is getting so
low that I don’t get into UC Santa Cruz.
It’s starting to get to a point where I
think 1310 might be good on the SAT. C…C…C…C…C…C… Ok folks, that is time. The SAT is now over. [SCREAMS] Well done. Answer sheets in your booklets. Hand them in to be graded. Give it to me practically. Can I get into Stanford? No. Can I get into UCLA? No. UC San Diego? No. UC Davis? No. UC Santa Cruz? Maybe. Jesus Christ. Your total score… is 1030. [ECHOES] 1030… “I got a 1310 on the SAT” “and every Indian and Asian person is like,
‘1310… You are a moron.’” [ECHOES] “You are a moron..” [ECHOES] “1030…” NAJME: That’s pretty good, Hasan.
ROBERT: I agree.
NAJME: Good job.