When you sign with the Spurs, your soul and your personality are put into the box. There will be a new king in the East It is your time Spurs of the East Your Grace? You wanted to see me? Yes I like to pretend they’re…little eggs You see, the lower houses, they are the hens. And I… am the fox that snatches their little babies. You’ve collected so many… So much talent almost, uh, too much In Bostonia, there is no such thing as too much. I know one thing Lord Pop would have never lost control of this house Pfft…Spurs of the East… Lucky for you, there’s one last road trip before the tournament starts. I suggest you find a way to get our knights on the same page. Or else… You would never. This city loves me. Like they loved The King in the Fourth? Get it done Unbelievable we gotta share a tent with the rotation guys We was the heroes last year! If you’re feeling cramped, expand your mind Squires these days…so entitled Better stop calling us squires, Marcus You don’t scare me, Terry You think you’re some wise veteran— What is that? I’ve seen that before. That there is a Soul Box. When you sign with House Spurs, your soul and personality go into that box. So it’s like a…Spurs culture thing? I didn’t want it to come to this but there is too much talent here in this room for us to be treading water in the fourth seed. The Soul Box will help us contain our emotions and our egos, so that this group can reach its potential. Also makes you dull as dirt That thing’s the reason nobody heard of me in San Antonio Oh, yeah. That’s the reason. I’ll do it All right, Al I want you to close your eyes and place your hand on the box Ser Al Horford, do you hereby commit fully, to sacrifice your soul for the good of House Celtics? Aye So did it work or what? He didn’t flinch! All right, who’s next? Anyone? I’ll do it OK, no. Lucky— Gimme that box. I’ll do it. -Put my soul right in that box
-Thanks, Lucky, but this is for knights Marcus the Smart? I…I can’t. I’m sorry. My whole game is about emotion. Jaylen? Uh, I’m just worried about my brand is all What about you, Kyrie? Ha, subjugate the light of my soul to your rectangular prism? No way… I can’t even commit to next year Wow…what a leader OK, then why don’t you do it? Well, I just… don’t want to jeopardize my Mamba Mentality is all. Yeah, gods forbid you stop shooting 20-footers Yeah, gods forbid you stop shooting 20-footers Oh, please. You’re one to talk. -Oh, I’m Jayson Tatum. I’m the man.
-Very funny. I’m going to House Pelicans to be the man! All right, guys. Come on! You know what? Clearly, this was a bad idea, OK? You guys are obviously not the Spurs, and I am clearly…not Lord Pop. No…you’re not You’re Brad Stevens. The best X’s and O’s man I’ve ever known Yeah, nobody can write out-of-timeout plays like you Yeah, well, unfortunately, there’s no timeout long enough for me to fix all of THIS team’s issues. But what if there was Who said that? The Time Lord… Wait, ‘Time Lord’? I thought that was just a nickname. Wait, ‘Time Lord’? I thought that was just a nickname. There’s a lot of things people don’t know about me Don’t get enough minutes Tell me about it But I’m pretty versatile. I can rebound, I can block, and I can stop time. Where’d you learn how to do that? Texas A&M But you were only there for two years! …or was I? Whoa So how does one just…stop time? Just asking questions here It’s a magic potion…called So’Da Banned in the realm since Jason Kidd used it against House Lakers, late in a battle when he had no timeouts left. Exactly how long are we talking about here? It will last till either you’ve come up with a way to solve our problems… or 34 years…whichever comes first Why 34? It’s the Truth… 34 is the Truth’s number The guy who’s worse than Dwyane Wade! Actually, no. That’s just how much So’Da I have. All right, you’ve got this, Lord Commander! Yeah! -You’re Brad Stevens!
-You’re a freaking genius!
-You’re smartest in the realm! We know you can do this, Lord Commander! Are you all mad? Do you really think he can just come up with some magical out-of-timeout play that’s gonna fix all of our chemistry issues? Yeah, you know what? I do. Because I’m Brad F–king Stevens Time Lord, ready when you are All right Time… OUT OH F–K Lord Commander? You look like you’ve aged— 34 years. Yep. So you…you didn’t…? Nope So, what’s all that? Mostly just gibberish. I gave up 20 ago, actually. What’s THAT? All right, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Bad news first Lucky got frozen in time with me The So’Da spilled on him Oh, no. What have I— Unfortunately for Lucky, he swore a blood oath to always perform during timeouts, obviously never thinking he’d, well…yeah. But he kept performing. He was juggling. Dancing. Doing those wacky dunks Man, was he funny By year two, he was mostly performing stuff that could be done from a chair, like balancing bowls, singing, whatever. It was around year three where…he stopped talking He was just miming and deliriously flailing his arms By year four, I thought he was doing this long bit where he would just play dead. By year five, I realized… it wasn’t a bit. So, um… what’s the good news? Well, I came up with a few pretty clever inbound plays that might get us to the second round. So, if you subscribe to Bleacher Report, you can get notified any time a new Game of Zones comes out. And, can I comment, “first”? Yes, anything Even though I’m clearly not the first commenter? Oh, whatever you want, as long as you follow the community guidelines. Wait! Stop! Stop! He saw us! He saw us subscribing!